Of Mercy and Forgiveness
by Dynamojacks
Summary: "Those who deserve forgiveness will fight for it with every breath. Those who don't, can still be spared." POV, Zuko, The Southern Raiders. Implied Zutara. M for bad language just to be on the safe side. General dark themes. (Reuploaded for fixed formatting ;; )


**A/N: **The Southern Raiders this time. This baby's been a long time coming- I've thought over the Southern Raiders for so, so many times it's ridiculous, especially from Zuko's viewpoint. So here is another POV of Zuko, picking apart a few important things in this episode- the oft overlooked all-nighter, the confrontation with Aang, a re-cap of the Yon Rha encounter, and of course, the Zutara hug and the ending.

Again, it's going to be somewhat Zutara biased. But seriously, when you think about it, he really does seem to have a thing for Katara- there's this intense feeling of SOMETHING going on at least. At least, that's my opinion.

**WARNING: THIS IS ZUKO'S VIEWPOINT. HE'S NOT GOING TO BE VERY NICE TO AANG.**

It would be very out of character for him considering the circumstances. Just thought I'd get that out of the way.

**Disclaimer**: The characters herein are property of Bryan Konietzko and Michael DiMartino.

So anyway, enjoy. (Had to delete and reupload because a) I'm clueless about this damn site and b) I screwed up the formatting and panicked lol)

* * *

**Those who deserve forgiveness will fight for it with every breath.**

* * *

I need time to think.

After talking with Sokka earlier, I came to a decision. A decision that I would see through for Katara's sake. I wanted to get to the bottom of the one thing that still galled her guts. It's her mother, and the Fire Nation. _And me, for my actions at Ba Sing Se._

The thing is.. I don't understand why she's still angry at me particularly. So much has happened since then.. so much that I thought- no, I was SURE would sway her opinion of me for the better. She hasn't acted like she hated me for a while, at least, as far as I could gather. She's one sassy 'sugar queen' (whatever that means), but that's another thing altogether. I figured that was just who she was. And I was perfectly happy to accept that, even if she was short with me or otherwise abrasive.

Katara saved my life, when I was falling from the airships to my doom. She, and nobody else. Hostility is nothing I can't cope with for Agni's sake. So why do I care so much what she thinks of me? Why? I just... do. It's not like I CAN'T go about my business with her hating me, it's just..

My head hurts.

* * *

Having left Sokka's tent (since he seems to have something 'booked' with Suki.. evidently), I'm now sitting on a rock outside Katara's tent, contemplating what I'm going to do. It's going to take forever to prepare to speak to her- just like when I first spoke to the gang. It's .. just that I don't think I've ever expended so much effort to getting someone to understand me before.

_...Wait. ...Understand 'me'.. Is that really what this is about? Agni, Zuko._

At this point I have to watch how hard I pinch my nose just in case I _break_ something.

I don't even know. I want.. I want her to understand what I was truly_ intending to tell her_ in that cave. I wasn't trying to fool her at all, I was being honest. I do feel her pain, and badly. But she still feels.. she still feels like she was fooled. That was my undoing, and she undoubtedly feels stupid for it too, stupid for trusting me.  
She need not. I'M the stupid one. I thought I'd done so much to make that stupidity go away, but it still rests heavily on her. Because she'd gone to the effort of trusting someone like me when it seemed I was changing. And then Azula comes along an- no, not even going there. We've been through this remember? Stop blaming everything else except your Agni-damned self.

_Maybe that will earn you some respect for once._

* * *

I consider our respective situations. The fact that my mother might still be alive, but also that she might not, and my father is responsible. He is out of bounds right now- he's in the Avatar's hands, not mine. Katara's mother is definitely gone, and her killer within reach. So it's very clear what needs to be done. I need to do for her what I can't do for myself:

_Take out the filth who took her mother away_.

This is going to take a lot of thinking, as I cannot let us be caught. It's going to be a dangerous mission, especially when there's an exiled Prince involved who might just get us both in trouble. So I start to make plans. Something that will make the following day go safely and productively, should she agree to go. My ability to plan ahead isn't exactly great, but I just have to make sure nothing goes wrong.. and that everything is made clear to Katara. Especially my intentions.

I know I can handle that much. I know. I just have to focus. Focus. Spirits,_ focus.. _this is going to be a very long night.

* * *

It's been hours already, and I've been dizzy from the mounting fatigue for a while now. All this intense thinking and nervous energy just makes it a whole lot worse, and without any warning at all I'm throwing up. Way to break my concentration. And waste my dinner for that matter.

Derobing, I stumble to the water to gargle and splash my face. I grab a pouch of water before putting my tunic back on, returning to my rock and trying to think some more, though not doing a very good job of it.

* * *

I feel horrible,_ really_ horrible. I'm repeating a few things I've already established over and over to keep them fresh in my mind while swigging some water. It seems to work, without exerting too much effort. I keep a mantra going, repeating the same words, ingraining them as if it were one of Uncle's lessons. And then, just picturing in my mind, imagining telling Katara one important thing- 'I'm going to help you find your mother's killer'. Keep it simple. Maybe this will make it easy.

Or.. maybe it won't.

* * *

I fling the empty water pouch off to the side in irritation. It's sunrise, and I haven't slept a wink. I'm in a terrible mood, and frankly, I feel no better at all. But there's not much I can do about that. Besides, I have to suck it up. What I'm about to tell Katara, that will probably make her feel worse. But we have to get this out of the way, otherwise it's just going to haunt her forever.

_Especially while I'm around_.

No. I can't afford to falter. And I especially can't afford to screw _anything_ up.

* * *

This is it.. I can feel Katara approaching now, so I glance up at her. She glares at me and tells me I look terrible, which is true. I feel it, too. After all, I waited out here all night. All night.. to tell her this. Nervous would be an understatement. She asks me what I want so, rubbing my eyes, I steel myself quickly before I tell her outright.

_"I know who killed your mother. And I'm going to help you find him."_

That look from her tells me that we're in agreement.

* * *

Time for a 'field-trip', then. But this time, Aang is hard to persuade. To say the very least. Sorry buddy, but this needs to be done. If it isn't, then it's just going to get worse from here. The thing is, I get it. I get that he understands rage and pain- who in this war doesn't?! You know, with the possible exception of most of the Fire Nation.

I have to tell him quickly before we end up going nowhere.

"She needs this, Aang. This is about getting closure, and justice." He rebuts. "I don't think so, I think it's about getting revenge."

My palm is resisting the urge to make contact with my face. What's your point? The guy deserves it. If it was me, I would be dead the moment I asked to join you. And dead I would accept being.

Katara bites back telling him that it might be what he deserves. Even Sokka tries to persuade against us. And Aang's remark is most irritating of all.

"The monks said revenge is like a two-headed ratviper. When you watch your enemy go down, you're being poisoned yourself."

I practically snort. "That's _cute_. But this isn't Air Temple Preschool. _It's the real world_."

I'm sorry. But what has your schoolteachers' advice got to do with Katara's anger?! Agni's potatoes Aang. I'm losing patience with you. No, I _have_ no patience for your kind. Try living in the world for as long as we have, and maybe you can talk. And that's the present day, not one hundred fucking years ago when everything was peaceful and the dragons all came out to play.  
Poison is in everyone's veins right now. And it's the Fire Nation's fault. I've made peace with that. Which is saying a lot since I am in fact _from_ the Fire Nation.

I don't think I should even have to say it. Whatever, he's just a child. He may be the Avatar but he's naiive as shit.

The next thing he does is suggest that Katara_ forgive_ the man who killed her mother. Now, I don't know about you, but if I had succeeded in getting Aang killed by 'Combustion Man', I don't think Katara would be forgiving me, ever. And even knowing he didn't, and even knowing I turned AGAINST the guy, I had to face the ultimatum to end all ultimatums and get my shit together. Not to mention she STILL hasn't forgiven me, and I'm not expecting that to change any time soon. So listen here buddy, I didn't get away with my crimes and neither will_ this_ guy, the guy whose crime actually succeeded in ruining Katara's young life, as my father ruined mine. So this is out of the question altogether. It's just like letting him get away. That's the same as doing nothing. That's not justice you moron. Don't even try that shit on me.

Don't make me do something I might regret.

I'm amazed I've managed to keep my temper for as long as I have. I have to massage my temples because I think one of them might just burst soon. So I'm getting us out of here before one of them does or I break my agreement and seriously hurt Aang.

As much as I feel like doing it right now, that won't go down well with Katara at all.

* * *

At nightfall, I pack some bags and prepare for us to leave on Appa, though not without letting fly a sarcastic jab towards Aang for trying to persuade us to forgive yet_ again_. What little patience I had is now at its end.

He concedes on the need to face him, though, and lets us go. About bloody time.

* * *

**And those who don't deserve forgiveness can still be spared.**

* * *

After Katara and I came back from the trip, she said she wanted to be on her own for a bit. So Aang takes me on the bison for a short spell, and I explain a few things to him. I tell him about our stealth mission, what went down when we faced Yon Rha together, and what Yon Rha said to us.

_Yon Rha. That... that piece of work._

We had to dress in the form of ninja so that nobody would recognise us. But we sure as hell had to make this person recognise Katara, in order for him to give the story of her mother's death. And that.. was something else.  
Katara's mother was an extraordinary and brave soul, just like my own mother. She sacrificed herself in order to prevent her daughter from being hurt by this man. This man, who killed her rather than take her prisoner. Even taking her prisoner is wrong. But there was no sense in wasting her life, if your orders were to take prisoners.

No, it was just easier for him that way. The cowardly _shit._

Katara was close to raining down these incredible icicles on his face and putting his flame out for good. But something inside seemed to stop her. Something... I can't quite understand. Maybe it's just not in her. The guy's pathetic, anyway. He can live with his guilt for the rest of his life as far as I'm concerned. He even offered up his own mother as collateral, at which point I just wanted to firebend him in his wretched face.  
I wanted to end him myself, give him a piece of my own anger. But this was Katara's decision to make.. not mine. So instead, I made sure to give him the kind of look that would send a tigerdillo running for the hills, before leaving him to sob and wail in the streets like a wounded turtleduck.

It's more than he deserves.

* * *

When we return, we find Katara sitting by the water's edge, staring out to the ocean. She's worried about whether she was too weak or not, to which Aang assures her that she wasn't and did the right thing by forgiving. Though Katara tells him that she's not forgiven Yon Rha, and that she never will.

_Good_. Not worth it at all. I don't see him earning forgiveness from her any time soon. But now, maybe things will start to feel better. They won't ever heal completely, but-

_"But I am ready to forgive you."_

Wait. What was that?

Katara is advancing towards me with this strange look in her eyes. She holds that gaze on me for at least a second, and I'm stuck staring back, trying to fathom what it is that she's thinking. Those eyebrows are holding my attention more than anything. I'm trying to read the emotion in them, but it's not registering with me. Nothing's making any sense.

Then, she lunges herself forward, and I'm left shocked. Katara.. is flying at me. I have to hold my arms out in front of me, to shield myself. She's going to hit. This can't be good.

But then, _her body settles against mine.._

_..her arms drape behind me.._

_..her head turns against my shoulder.._

_..pulling her whole body toward me.._

Is she... _hugging me?_

My arms pull her toward me in a tight embrace, and my eyes fall closed, letting it sink in. This.. is a hug all right. Not quite like any I've ever had before. I feel so close to this woman. She doesn't even seem to mind that my hand is resting on her lower back.

_I'm pulling her in and I feel like I never want to let go._

The moment she pulls away, I drop my hands, open my eyes and look down into hers. As they meet, I feel this weird sensation wash over me in an instant: _Happiness._ The purest, _most unbelievable happiness._

Knowing that this is mutual, just seems to make me even more happy.

Then she turns around, and I turn to face her as she walks away. I can barely keep my eyes off her as she walks back to her tent. Katara.. has forgiven me all right. That, I did not expect at all. I expected at least some more tolerance. But this has me thrown for a loop. And I'm still not sure how to take it all in. And why in the name of Tui and La's fins can I_ not stop staring at her?_

* * *

Aang's right about one thing, I suppose. That violence and vengeance wasn't the answer to getting closure- mercy was, and letting your anger loose, if not strike. It seems that that was enough for Katara. She needed the confrontation, but what she didn't need was to do anything to Yon Rha, except see the person he is for herself, and make her impression on him for the evil he's done. And for that matter, stop blaming herself now that she knows the whole story. Now, Katara seems more at ease. That's all I could ask for.

But then, that still leaves my father. He's a menace who still needs to be stopped. He's still a very dangerous man- he's not exactly going to be a walk in the park, and he's certainly not going to show any mercy like Katara did today. So what is Aang going to do about him?

I ask him this. He's not sure, clearly. He says he needs some time to think about it.

I think I can give you the answer without even trying.

* * *

**A/N:** So yeah, he still doesn't 100% agree with the whole non-violence thing. He just agreed here that it wasn't the answer in this particular case.

As far as forgiveness was concerned, I don't think he was really expecting to be forgiven by Katara. So far, he's already been busting his rump trying to do all the right things, and has come to accept the treatment he gets from her, good and bad. So forgiveness was a happy surprise to him. Notice in the hug itself, he held his arms up in defense with an expression of shock/surprise? That's why. This also explains why he suggested forgiveness was the same as 'doing nothing'- because he doesn't expect true forgiveness, and therefore an A-hole who murdered a little girl's mother shouldn't either.

The all-nighter. You don't stay outside someone's tent all night if you haven't some serious, serious thinking to do. Plus consider his position- the fact that he's exiled, if he's caught he could be taken back to the Fire Nation as a prisoner or worse, if something messes up. Same with Katara, but Zuko is known as a traitor. So he's under a lot of stress about this particularly. Couple that with preparing to even talk to Katara to begin with, and this shit's even worse than when he was waiting for Iroh.

I also think he happens to be very self-deprecating as a whole. This pretty much reflects in a lot of his behaviour, especially where he said he 'didn't deserve' the toast he got. He was just really irritated with Aang as he was trying to approach Katara about the issue, and thus, not willing to negotiate with him.

As far as the prisoners thing goes, I guess he'd assume that from what YR was saying, taking prisoners was a common thing, hence why Kya thought she was going to be taken. But she was killed instead.

So, there. I hope you liked it, please R & R.


End file.
